The rejection from those he loved wounded him deeply. Such rejection by those who I cared for and had ministered to did its crushing work, and by 2014 I was so damaged spiritually that any hope of future ministry seemed impossible.
It was at this time in a very broken state that began a terrible overhauling of my whole Christian experience. The first steps did a deep and personal work in my spirit, heart and soul. ‘See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction’ Isaiah 48:10 It was necessary for me to lose any outward sign of the anointing and be severely tested in order to function at the highest level. ‘So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.’ 1 Peter 5:6-7 NLT. I had to learn to submit to the processes of the Lord if he was to “wear” His anointing successfully.
In this season of preparation the Lord first searched my heart, purified my desires and released His anointing into my hands. It was a time of anticipating an outpouring of the Lord’ presence. I desperately wanted to see God’s glory manifest and was longing for His kingdom to come in power. Two deep longings emerged through this season
- I still had a deep longing for the house of the Lord
I had come to realise how hurt I was at not being able to minister in the house of the Lord. Circumstances had prevented me from being in His temple. This sadly had hurt me, yet there was still a deep longing for the sweet nearness to God in his temple that I had known in the past. ‘How lovely is your dwelling place Lord Almighty My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.’ Psalm 84:1-2
- It created in me a fresh longing for God’s presence
The loss of a sanctuary (church) to come into the presence of God and move to the altar (mercy seat) and experience the shekeniah glory daily profoundly impacted me. Many times I cried in my heart for the lost times of intimacy for God’s presence at the beginning of the day in the house of the Lord. As I humbled myself before the Lord a newness and freshness for God and for the security His presence offers emerged. Comforting reflection on what I had seen in the sanctuary, awakened a joyful expectation. ‘I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.’ Psalm 63:2-4
I had become consumed with a passion for intimacy with God that overflowed in every area of my life and a deep desire to enter His presence to commune with Him. It required an outpouring of fresh oil and new wineskins suitable for its designated purpose. The new wine, crushed by the fingers of God so that I was being refined, purified and prepared for the new season. More in my next blog