Recently my thoughts have been on the topic of “Desperate for God”. As I was pondering these words, I felt the LORD speak to me and ask me “well are you?” It made me stop and I had to ask myself “AM I DESPERATE FOR GOD?”
When we’re desperate for God, we become dependent upon the daily sustaining power of His Word. For many years I have been very disciplined in my devotional life. Determined to spend time daily in God’s Word and prayer.
My source of survival is my daily manna—feeding on the Word of God. We know the manna of the wilderness was good for only one day; if kept over into the next day, it would rot (Exodus 16:12-31). It’s still true that yesterday’s feeding in the Word will never sustain me for today
My prayer life had previously been transformed when I discovered that prayer is the glorious adventure of an unfolding, growing relationship with the living God. Nothing excels the glory of burning with holy longing before a burning God who blazes with fiery passions for weak but lovesick worshipers.
However, it was the discovery of the secret place that took me on an unplanned journey. I didn’t stumble or wander accidentally into it; I was a new pastor in my first church when God lit the flame of fire in my heart that totally rewrote my spiritual DNA. It brought me to the threshold of a relationship that I always longed for but didn’t know how to find. Virtually every area of my life was touched by this. It catapulted me into a desperate pursuit of God. I’ve discovered that God knows how to make us desperate.
To put it simply – I had been made desperate. It was in the desperate pursuit of God that the secret place began to change me.
Because we cannot force desperation in our hearts, God is more than willing to intervene and do it for us! But be prepared, because a desperate person is abandoned to all other things besides the object of their affection. And when you are desperate for God, all the other good things in life will begin to pale in comparison to being connected to Him!
Desperation transformed me into a different person. Life priorities became very simple. Things began to change inside me at an unprecedented rate. The spiritual (both good and evil) surrounding my life became intense. Issues that had simmered for many years suddenly came to a head, screaming for resolve. I found myself surrounded by suspicion and reproach. There was a sense of acceleration, in the speed of change and transition.
The closeness of his presence became thick and weighty. It was kabod, the weighty glory of the Lord. It was about wanting His glory more than anything else and wanting to be with Jesus. Kabod is the Hebrew word for glory, and it means literally, “weightiness” or “substance.” There’s a weightiness, a density, and a substance to God that is found nowhere else. His splendour became weighty and awesome.
But there have also been times where the fire has dimmed.
I realised some time back that I had lost my desperation that I used to seek. I had become less dependent upon Him. Life circumstances had changed, my ministry was being refined and changed, situations and trials had caught up with me and I had taken their toll. I still had a deep love for the Lord and sought Him daily, but I was no longer as desperate as I used to be.
The flame had to be rekindled and out of my desperation for the secret place a deep and penetrating work occurred through the all-consuming fire of God that burnt away the dross and iniquities in my heart.
The renewed desperation ignited a fresh fire. But it is different. During this time the deep work concentrated on my heart. It is with a broken heart that I discovered there is a fire in God that is never satisfied; and there is a fire in me, placed there by God, that is never satisfied. The fire in me is constantly reaching out for more of God; and the fire in Him responds by desiring more of me in return. It’s become an unending adventure of ever giving more of my heart in fiery love to Him, as He eternally unfolds more of His glorious beauty to me.
As I glance back over my life, it has become obvious that my trials are what make me hunger for God’s Spirit and presence. As a result, I have begun to see my challenges as gifts directly from God. These are the tools God uses to make me hunger for more of Him. My desperation for Him is growing…